The CAKE

I have a CAKE in my house. Yes, you read correctly a CAKE. What is with the strange capitalization you ask?
CAKE stands for: Cat Against Knitting Enjoyment. Here is how things unfolded on this rainy as fuck Friday morning.
I was in that blissful state of dream sleep somewhere between full consciousness and a hot and steamy dream about a certain someone from Buffy when my cat jumped on my dresser. Thinking he was just being irritating because he was hungry I looked at my clock and promptly told him to get down. Does he listen? Give you one guess. Amidst his meowing and scuffling I notice he is closest to the end where I tossed my delicate and important drop stitch scarf I've been "finishing" for the last 8 months. Next thing I see is said cat running out my door after something small and red on the floor. Surely not a mouse.
When my yelling at him to stop proves to be fruitless I leap out of bed which is painful on a sprained knee and find "cat" unwinding my perfect ball of wool silk blend yarn. Horrified I chase him away and quickly rewind the yarn in to a less than stellar ball. I shove it in to an empty candle holder. Beat that kitty! Think I'm nuts yet?
Thus if I were any normal person and my cat was any typical house cat bored after one romp about the house per day; my story might have ended. Alas it doesn't quite end yet.
After sleeping his day away until 3 and on my bed no less the crossed-eyed little traitor decides that my lap looks like a good place to sit. As I am a naturally forgiving person by nature and not apt to hold a grudge unless absolutely necessary I permit this show of affection. Naturally as my ADHD cat is apt to do he starts pawing at the cotton I'm using to finish off a dish cloth. As I unwind the yarn from his paw and from around his tail since he felt the need to lie directly on my working yarn I curse under my breath. Fricken cats! Cat and I resume our semi-symbiotic relationship of me petting him and he leaving my yarn alone for the most part until I reach for my tape measure. I've just finished measuring the length of my dish cloth when he decides to stretch or so I think.
As I resume my knitting and thank the Gods for only 4 more rows of this ever loving torture to go cat makes his underhanded grab for the tape measure. Before I know what has happened my cat and the tape measure are off the couch, on the floor and moving across my living room at an alarming rate. All I can manage to say is that is seriously f***ed up! I grab the tape measure from the Cat Against Knitting Enjoyment and stuff it in a pocket. Note to self thank the manufacturers for making this tape measure 5 ft 3 inches long because when stealing it back from a crazed Siamese cat who has it extended to 5 ft those 3 inches come in handy. The knitting resumes again uninterrupted until the cat returns.
I'm an inteledgent person by nature and someone who doesn't let the proverbial woll get pulled over my eyes to often. Today however; is not my day. Kitty returns and even with the tape measure in full sight leaves it alone. Doing good so far cat. I rearranged my yarn and put it on my right side which as a continental knitter is proverbially incorrect but I digress. All is going along with out a hitch until I unscrew the tip from my cable so that I can put it away. As I set down my needle tip CAKE strikes again. He actually has the audacity and the gumption to start rolling my needle tip inbetween the couch cushions with his paws! Excuse me? Does he not know how many double pointed needles have met a messy end that way? Does he fail to realize that he's going to screw up my interchangeable needle kit if he loses my size 7 needle down the damn couch? I have a sneaking suspicion that is where he planned to hide my red yarn but unfortunately it was still attached to my drop stitch scarf. I rescue the needle and put it in the case with its mate. All is safe and sound until CAKE figures out that my case is plastic and he loves to chew through plastic whenever given a chance. Oh, joy!